It could be said that I don't believe in God.
Of course, those of you who do may have already shied away from this post... but if I can ask you, no, beg you to sit a while and read what I have to say, you might realize that our beliefs are hardly different. Or, maybe they are quite different. Either way, free will has led me to question the existence of (G/g)od(s).
I'm no Atheist. Sure, I've doubted that we are more than just evolved apes before. Let's be honest...however small or unlikely it may be, we COULD just stop existing when we die.
That's what always scares me the most about death...the thought that at any moment, I just won't exist and won't even realize it is possibly one of the most terrifying things imaginable.
For a while there, I looked at it this way: If there is an all-powerful being out there that IS everything and can DO ANYTHING, and loves us all unconditionally...why does my life suck so much?
I mean seriously, God. REALLY? Out of my Immediate family, there is ONE person who doesn't have some sort of major health problem. Why? Why can't we all be healthy? Isn't life hard enough without having to fight to stay alive every day?
And why is there NEVER enough? Not enough money, not enough food, not enough room. If there is an all knowing, all seeing God...Why can't he see that we need help?
Even now, I'm having a hard time grasping that. But then I realize... if God is in everything, isn't God in us?
THERES the shocker right THURRR.
See, if God is in us, then we all have a little bit of God. Only it isn't God. It's the same energy that keeps the trees growing and the earth spinning. So....if we all have that energy within us, whose to say that we can't use it?
Some people pray. Others manifest. What's the difference? Manifesting IS praying. SO WHATS THE BIG DEAL ABOUT RELIGION?!
GRR. If you think about it, all major religions have the same general outline.
WELL. Ive been writing this forever and I don't think I can write more on it without rambling. I'm open to all questions and ideas.
LOVE YOU ALL.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Here's the Scoop...
Like a triple-decker multi-flavored sorbet on a waffle cone.
I have been so busy within the last month that I haven't even had the time to function like a normal human being, let alone write a new blog.
However, there's a time for all things, and this blog's time is NOW.
Looks like my last post was over a month ago...ouch. Lets cover that, shall we?
My mom and I drove through Idaho to pick up a new dog--a Border Collie which we have named Hugo. He is adorable and I love him.
I also have a job, serving Chinese food at Panda Express. Come buy some orange chicken from me!
But the last month or so, I have been engulfed by the loss of another Bestie. Jessica moved to Seattle for UW. So, for the last month or so, I have been pretty down. It could be just that, or a mixture of various things, but I definitely haven't felt like myself lately.
I have a plan. I go to SFCC for two years (roughly), then apply to as many other colleges as I can. Hopefully, I will then move to Seattle to continue my schooling.
School, work, sleep.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
There will be some room for play, life, theatre and so on... but I feel like my plan isn't good enough. I feel like if I could die at any minute, what am I doing HERE? Why am I not saying "To Hell with social norms!", moving to Seattle right now and not caring what happens, as long as I can get to where I WANT to be?
I've also been having a lot of weird, disjointed thoughts about life, spirituality and the existence of human beings in general.
Heavy stuff, I know, which is why I've officially kicked that topic into a whole other post, which I will post separately, in case some people don't want to read it ;).
So, this post is rather long all of a sudden, isn't it?
I'll post again soon. Go read my story and review! Its under a second blog on my profile (Insanity). If you read, I'll post more. Therefore, I will write more.
LAHVE <3
I have been so busy within the last month that I haven't even had the time to function like a normal human being, let alone write a new blog.
However, there's a time for all things, and this blog's time is NOW.
Looks like my last post was over a month ago...ouch. Lets cover that, shall we?
My mom and I drove through Idaho to pick up a new dog--a Border Collie which we have named Hugo. He is adorable and I love him.
I also have a job, serving Chinese food at Panda Express. Come buy some orange chicken from me!
But the last month or so, I have been engulfed by the loss of another Bestie. Jessica moved to Seattle for UW. So, for the last month or so, I have been pretty down. It could be just that, or a mixture of various things, but I definitely haven't felt like myself lately.
I have a plan. I go to SFCC for two years (roughly), then apply to as many other colleges as I can. Hopefully, I will then move to Seattle to continue my schooling.
School, work, sleep.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
There will be some room for play, life, theatre and so on... but I feel like my plan isn't good enough. I feel like if I could die at any minute, what am I doing HERE? Why am I not saying "To Hell with social norms!", moving to Seattle right now and not caring what happens, as long as I can get to where I WANT to be?
I've also been having a lot of weird, disjointed thoughts about life, spirituality and the existence of human beings in general.
Heavy stuff, I know, which is why I've officially kicked that topic into a whole other post, which I will post separately, in case some people don't want to read it ;).
So, this post is rather long all of a sudden, isn't it?
I'll post again soon. Go read my story and review! Its under a second blog on my profile (Insanity). If you read, I'll post more. Therefore, I will write more.
LAHVE <3
Friday, September 4, 2009
Summer Shenanigans...
There are no words.
None.
ZERO.
To describe the summer I've had.
If I was to pick the ultimate summer of my life thus far, that would be it.
Its been a while since I posted, so I'll run through what made it awesome.
On Jessica's Birthday, after a HARRY POTTER SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY coordinated by yours truly and Lauren, we traveled to the Kincaid's Condo in Sandpoint, Idaho.
We had a lazy day, then had a treasure hunt of sorts, provided by Jessica's parents, and ended the day on a SEA PLANE!
IT.WAS.SO.COOL.
And THEN, the weekend before last, I travelled with Jess, Lauren and Janice to Seattle, where we stayed with Laur's cousin. Seattle in itself is awesome, indeed, but for this particular trip, there was a method to our madness. The night we arrived, we attended a Flaming Lips concert. It was amazing. One of the most amazing experiences of my life so far, actually. And, of course, that night was a party in itself.
=).
The NEXT day, we went to Pike Place a few times, and ended the evening with a Daft Punk Laser Light show.
:o.
If you've ever seen a laser light show, particularly after partying for a couple of hours, I think you'll understand.
JUDAS PRIEST IS +1!
So, after returning to Spokane, the girls and I had a very relaxing week... up until Thursday, that is, when we left for another adventure! We drove to Bonner's Ferry, Idaho, arriving after dark. In the dark, with the clever use of headlamps and legs, we hiked a mile or two uphill to our first destination; Pyramid Lake. Deciding it was much too late to set up a tent, we rolled out our sleeping bags and fell asleep looking at the stars.....OF WHICH THERE WERE MORE THAN FIFTY!
(Pyramid Lake)
(Pyramid Lake from the top of the mountain)
The next day we packed up and hiked around the lake and over a mountain to reach Ball Lake. It was BEAUTIFUL. We spent two days there, eating reconstituted eggs and not showering. Yum.
(Ball Lake)
Finally, the last day of our trip, we hiked all the way from Ball Lake, past Pyramid lake and back to the car. Despite the long distance it was downhill almost all of the way, and we reached the car only a few hours after setting out.
And now that all of my summer adventures are over, everything feels... sort of melancholy. I'm just waiting for the next big adventure. :)
None.
ZERO.
To describe the summer I've had.
If I was to pick the ultimate summer of my life thus far, that would be it.
Its been a while since I posted, so I'll run through what made it awesome.
On Jessica's Birthday, after a HARRY POTTER SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY coordinated by yours truly and Lauren, we traveled to the Kincaid's Condo in Sandpoint, Idaho.
We had a lazy day, then had a treasure hunt of sorts, provided by Jessica's parents, and ended the day on a SEA PLANE!
IT.WAS.SO.COOL.
And THEN, the weekend before last, I travelled with Jess, Lauren and Janice to Seattle, where we stayed with Laur's cousin. Seattle in itself is awesome, indeed, but for this particular trip, there was a method to our madness. The night we arrived, we attended a Flaming Lips concert. It was amazing. One of the most amazing experiences of my life so far, actually. And, of course, that night was a party in itself.
=).
The NEXT day, we went to Pike Place a few times, and ended the evening with a Daft Punk Laser Light show.
:o.
If you've ever seen a laser light show, particularly after partying for a couple of hours, I think you'll understand.
JUDAS PRIEST IS +1!
So, after returning to Spokane, the girls and I had a very relaxing week... up until Thursday, that is, when we left for another adventure! We drove to Bonner's Ferry, Idaho, arriving after dark. In the dark, with the clever use of headlamps and legs, we hiked a mile or two uphill to our first destination; Pyramid Lake. Deciding it was much too late to set up a tent, we rolled out our sleeping bags and fell asleep looking at the stars.....OF WHICH THERE WERE MORE THAN FIFTY!
(Pyramid Lake)
(Pyramid Lake from the top of the mountain)
The next day we packed up and hiked around the lake and over a mountain to reach Ball Lake. It was BEAUTIFUL. We spent two days there, eating reconstituted eggs and not showering. Yum.
(Ball Lake)
Finally, the last day of our trip, we hiked all the way from Ball Lake, past Pyramid lake and back to the car. Despite the long distance it was downhill almost all of the way, and we reached the car only a few hours after setting out.
And now that all of my summer adventures are over, everything feels... sort of melancholy. I'm just waiting for the next big adventure. :)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
"La Vie" Blog?
This morning, after having a pretty excellent and relaxing but late night, I woke up calmly and quietly. After I spent a little time waking up, I made my way to the kitchen and cleaned up. As I did the dishes, I immediately felt at peace and alive. For the first time in a long time, I was happy to just…be. There is something extremely peaceful about an empty house in the morning.
After I finished the dishes, my good mood wasn’t spent. I put on a pot of coffee while I showered, then jumped out of the bathroom to Jessica being up and about.
Eventually, my mom came home and we all drank some coffee and sat in the newly cleaned kitchen. Jessica and I walked to Hi-Co, and then spent 20 minutes reading The Inlander in the shop over drinks and Almond-Poppy seed muffins.
Upon returning to my house, I called Lyndsey, who soon joined our party. I had the privilege to meet her adoptive mother before we sped off, as wild teenage girls are wont to do. We hung out while I cleaned the living room and discussed how our summers had gone thus far.
Our conversation took a turn for the better; we had all picked up on what this summer seemed to be about. Transformation. The three of us have felt like, and can see, how we need change in our lives, and that we are the only people that can control the change.
So, when Jessica goes to college, and Lyndsey goes to Virginia, the three of us plan to instigate a new change in our lives, be it the way we think, or speak, or live in general. Everyone needs some change, once in a while, but that’s not our entire plan. The three of us are going to document our change in the form of a giant scrapbook which encompasses all three of our transformations.
How will we pull it off? I have no idea. Will we pull through? I can only hope so.
I plan on changing almost everything, from the way I eat to my self esteem, as well as everything in between. What are my tools, you ask? No tools. No guides. No rules. Just a question:
Who do I want to be and how can I get there?
Now, I’m not saying I’m going to change who I am completely. But I do need to figure out how I can be myself healthily and happily, instead of this day-to-day battle that I’ve been living.
So here you are. The summer of transformation may be over, but I’m still in the cocoon.
After I finished the dishes, my good mood wasn’t spent. I put on a pot of coffee while I showered, then jumped out of the bathroom to Jessica being up and about.
Eventually, my mom came home and we all drank some coffee and sat in the newly cleaned kitchen. Jessica and I walked to Hi-Co, and then spent 20 minutes reading The Inlander in the shop over drinks and Almond-Poppy seed muffins.
Upon returning to my house, I called Lyndsey, who soon joined our party. I had the privilege to meet her adoptive mother before we sped off, as wild teenage girls are wont to do. We hung out while I cleaned the living room and discussed how our summers had gone thus far.
Our conversation took a turn for the better; we had all picked up on what this summer seemed to be about. Transformation. The three of us have felt like, and can see, how we need change in our lives, and that we are the only people that can control the change.
So, when Jessica goes to college, and Lyndsey goes to Virginia, the three of us plan to instigate a new change in our lives, be it the way we think, or speak, or live in general. Everyone needs some change, once in a while, but that’s not our entire plan. The three of us are going to document our change in the form of a giant scrapbook which encompasses all three of our transformations.
How will we pull it off? I have no idea. Will we pull through? I can only hope so.
I plan on changing almost everything, from the way I eat to my self esteem, as well as everything in between. What are my tools, you ask? No tools. No guides. No rules. Just a question:
Who do I want to be and how can I get there?
Now, I’m not saying I’m going to change who I am completely. But I do need to figure out how I can be myself healthily and happily, instead of this day-to-day battle that I’ve been living.
So here you are. The summer of transformation may be over, but I’m still in the cocoon.
Monday, August 10, 2009
MiTUNES
I am not perfect, nor do I strive to be. I am alive in this world of face-first falls and public breakdowns.
I had a revelation last night... so today, I'm feeling very empowered and independent. And I'm pretty happy, too. Apart from being hungry, actually, I'm pretty much perfect.
I've been rebooting my iTunes all day, because for one reason or another most of my music stopped working, and it was just easier to delete it all and start over.
I have also come to the conclusion that most people don't even bother reading this. Not that I mind, because I don't really write about anything interesting, but to those who have stuck with me, thanks :). You probably know me better than I know myself.
If anyone has any music they think I should listen to, now is the time to say so.....
=)
I had a revelation last night... so today, I'm feeling very empowered and independent. And I'm pretty happy, too. Apart from being hungry, actually, I'm pretty much perfect.
I've been rebooting my iTunes all day, because for one reason or another most of my music stopped working, and it was just easier to delete it all and start over.
I have also come to the conclusion that most people don't even bother reading this. Not that I mind, because I don't really write about anything interesting, but to those who have stuck with me, thanks :). You probably know me better than I know myself.
If anyone has any music they think I should listen to, now is the time to say so.....
=)
Friday, August 7, 2009
Insert Title Here
When I was in grade school, I had hardly any friends. When I say hardly any, I mean that I would have one or two at a time, knowing that they, too, eventually would realize what a loser I was (courtesy of the more popular children) and stop talking to me.
I guess that those experiences have caused me to go into a sort of lonely, depressed state from time to time when I hardly see any of my friends. I feel like I've been forgotten. Like despite what my friends and I have gone through, I am expendable. And though this feeling doesn't apply to all of my friends (My besties are the exception), I still feel a little less like a person and more like a memory to most people.
Maybe its just because its summer... But I can list ten people off of the top of my head that I haven't even spoken to this summer who, at the end of the school year, were still my good friends.
I guess I'm still feeling a little betrayed and bitter due to recent events anyways, and this whole detached from everybody feeling doesn't help. Maybe I'm just not meant to have a lot of friends. Maybe I should focus on the ones that acknowledge my existence from time to time.
ANYWAYS. Heres a few pictures of my summer...
FIRE PIT!
Lotte, mein leib.
The post-graduation feast.
Lauren Jumped in with all of her clothes on...
I guess that those experiences have caused me to go into a sort of lonely, depressed state from time to time when I hardly see any of my friends. I feel like I've been forgotten. Like despite what my friends and I have gone through, I am expendable. And though this feeling doesn't apply to all of my friends (My besties are the exception), I still feel a little less like a person and more like a memory to most people.
Maybe its just because its summer... But I can list ten people off of the top of my head that I haven't even spoken to this summer who, at the end of the school year, were still my good friends.
I guess I'm still feeling a little betrayed and bitter due to recent events anyways, and this whole detached from everybody feeling doesn't help. Maybe I'm just not meant to have a lot of friends. Maybe I should focus on the ones that acknowledge my existence from time to time.
ANYWAYS. Heres a few pictures of my summer...
FIRE PIT!
Lotte, mein leib.
The post-graduation feast.
Lauren Jumped in with all of her clothes on...
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Oh, strange mind of mine....
Does anyone have a dream dictionary?
Cause yesterday, after a perfectly normal, even somewhat happy day, I had an odd dream. First, in the dream, my laptop broke in half--severed between the screen and keyboard. And then my boyfriend cheated on me with a mutual friend. It was a weird dream, to say the least, and I really don't know what to think about it. I need to find out what the symbolism behind it is...
AH!
I also have this huge, uncomfortable feeling that I've changed a great deal in a short amount of time. Like I'm a completely different person all of a sudden. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has noticed, though. Probably not.
JESSICAS BIRTHDAY TODAY!
Happy birthday, petite bebe'. 18. Glorious.
Sorry for my bitching...
Cause yesterday, after a perfectly normal, even somewhat happy day, I had an odd dream. First, in the dream, my laptop broke in half--severed between the screen and keyboard. And then my boyfriend cheated on me with a mutual friend. It was a weird dream, to say the least, and I really don't know what to think about it. I need to find out what the symbolism behind it is...
AH!
I also have this huge, uncomfortable feeling that I've changed a great deal in a short amount of time. Like I'm a completely different person all of a sudden. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has noticed, though. Probably not.
JESSICAS BIRTHDAY TODAY!
Happy birthday, petite bebe'. 18. Glorious.
Sorry for my bitching...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
