On Dilly-Dallying, Keeping Busy, and the Ever Constant Work Day

I'm going to be Frank
(Which will be difficult, since I am really Katie).

I didn't even realize that I haven't blogged in over a year.

And yet, here I am, returned again to you.

Over the last year I have:

*Worked
*Worked Some More
*Been to a Quarter of College
*Signed up for another
*Turned 20
*Completed the Landmark Forum and Advanced Course
*Made friends
*Reached Chapter 14 and beyond
*Watched and Re-watched Every season of Weeds, as well as The Tudors.
*Completely forgotten that I had a blog.
*Moved!!! Into a new house... This really should be higher on the list. I'm ashamed.
*Had more than a few REAL CREEPY GHOST-LIKE EXPERIENCES in said house.
*MY BROTHER GOT MARRIED! And the only reason I didn't write that sooner, is because I was being egocentric and only thinking of my own personal adventures but...I thought I would mention it here anyway.

:)


It has truly been too long, Blog.


More soon.

How deep and meaningful of me....

He loves me unconditionally. Even when I yell at him, push him away, and go out without him, he loves me. I know it's true because, when he looks at me, his eyes fill with adoration and delight. When we are together, he makes sure everyone knows that I am his, as he is mine. He is the only guy who has ever loved me without expectations or reservations.

Yes... Hugo, my 7 1/2 month old Border Collie, is quite the gentleman.

No, this is not a blog to complain about my lack of a love-life. I only write what I would read, and I would most certainly not read 6 paragraphs of, "WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME?!"

Now, my blog's dates are all out of whack...I know that my last post was in November, even though it says it was a month earlier than that. I haven't been THAT negligent.It's probably due to the fact that I start blogs and finish them months later. IN ANY CASE, forgive me for not posting, blah blah blah....

NOW. Jessica, one of the lights that keeps me going through the foggy, Dementor-induced blackness when it appears from time to time, was here for winter break. She left a few days ago, but her presence is ever here... :).

I mean that almost literally. Because the last day she was here, we had a discussion that completely shifted my focus. See, I've spent the last 19 years wanting everything. I wanted friends, more money, security, a decent father...I wanted school to be easy, a boyfriend who loves me more than Hugo, etc... Basically everything that any child, pre-teen, teenager or young woman has ever wanted. Well, there's nothing wrong with wanting, right?

I have been, for quite some time, a firm believer of "everyone creates their own reality". Sure, there's fate, and maybe there is a plan for everyone's life... but if you have ever found that your prayers were answered, or that you wished for something and, suddenly, it happened to be almost set right in front of your face, then in my eyes... you did it. In my last blog I explained my reasoning for believing that everyone can manifest what they want.

After talking this over in a very philosophical, collegiate manner with Jess, during which we ate leftover macaroni, we both realized this at the same instant: WANTING is what keeps people from having what they want the most.

Think about it. Assuming that I am correct, and that the most powerful supernatural force in the world is at your fingertips, given you choose to utilize it... If you you are so busy WANTING what you DON'T have, how does that leave any room for you to HAVE what you want so desperately.

I want more friends because I DON'T have enough.
I want love because I DON'T have it.
I want happiness, peace, simplicity... all because I lack them.


But if you take that simple sentence, "I want _____" to the just as elementary, "I have ____" or the slightly more exhausting, "I will have ____", doesn't that eliminate wanting altogether? That dull, empty, aching feeling of want that NO ONE enjoys but everyone feels... you could skip it entirely, if you believed it enough.



WOW. So, there's where I am right now. Spiritually and psychologically at least. And I kid you not, ONE DAY after my focus began to shift, so did my life. Little changes, but noticeable nonetheless.


I'll let you chew on that for a while. Thanks for reading!!!


Oh, and...Sherlock Holmes was AWESOME.

MERRY X-MAS, Happy YULE, Happy New year!

<3

TALK, will you, TALK! *BUT IT HURTS!*

It could be said that I don't believe in God.

Of course, those of you who do may have already shied away from this post... but if I can ask you, no, beg you to sit a while and read what I have to say, you might realize that our beliefs are hardly different. Or, maybe they are quite different. Either way, free will has led me to question the existence of (G/g)od(s).

I'm no Atheist. Sure, I've doubted that we are more than just evolved apes before. Let's be honest...however small or unlikely it may be, we COULD just stop existing when we die.

That's what always scares me the most about death...the thought that at any moment, I just won't exist and won't even realize it is possibly one of the most terrifying things imaginable.

For a while there, I looked at it this way: If there is an all-powerful being out there that IS everything and can DO ANYTHING, and loves us all unconditionally...why does my life suck so much?

I mean seriously, God. REALLY? Out of my Immediate family, there is ONE person who doesn't have some sort of major health problem. Why? Why can't we all be healthy? Isn't life hard enough without having to fight to stay alive every day?

And why is there NEVER enough? Not enough money, not enough food, not enough room. If there is an all knowing, all seeing God...Why can't he see that we need help?

Even now, I'm having a hard time grasping that. But then I realize... if God is in everything, isn't God in us?


THERES the shocker right THURRR.


See, if God is in us, then we all have a little bit of God. Only it isn't God. It's the same energy that keeps the trees growing and the earth spinning. So....if we all have that energy within us, whose to say that we can't use it?

Some people pray. Others manifest. What's the difference? Manifesting IS praying. SO WHATS THE BIG DEAL ABOUT RELIGION?!


GRR. If you think about it, all major religions have the same general outline.


WELL. Ive been writing this forever and I don't think I can write more on it without rambling. I'm open to all questions and ideas.

LOVE YOU ALL.

Here's the Scoop...

Like a triple-decker multi-flavored sorbet on a waffle cone.



I have been so busy within the last month that I haven't even had the time to function like a normal human being, let alone write a new blog.


However, there's a time for all things, and this blog's time is NOW.


Looks like my last post was over a month ago...ouch. Lets cover that, shall we?

My mom and I drove through Idaho to pick up a new dog--a Border Collie which we have named Hugo. He is adorable and I love him.





I also have a job, serving Chinese food at Panda Express. Come buy some orange chicken from me!

But the last month or so, I have been engulfed by the loss of another Bestie. Jessica moved to Seattle for UW. So, for the last month or so, I have been pretty down. It could be just that, or a mixture of various things, but I definitely haven't felt like myself lately.

I have a plan. I go to SFCC for two years (roughly), then apply to as many other colleges as I can. Hopefully, I will then move to Seattle to continue my schooling.
School, work, sleep.
Wash, rinse, repeat.

There will be some room for play, life, theatre and so on... but I feel like my plan isn't good enough. I feel like if I could die at any minute, what am I doing HERE? Why am I not saying "To Hell with social norms!", moving to Seattle right now and not caring what happens, as long as I can get to where I WANT to be?

I've also been having a lot of weird, disjointed thoughts about life, spirituality and the existence of human beings in general.

Heavy stuff, I know, which is why I've officially kicked that topic into a whole other post, which I will post separately, in case some people don't want to read it ;).

So, this post is rather long all of a sudden, isn't it?


I'll post again soon. Go read my story and review! Its under a second blog on my profile (Insanity). If you read, I'll post more. Therefore, I will write more.


LAHVE <3

Summer Shenanigans...

There are no words.


None.

ZERO.

To describe the summer I've had.

If I was to pick the ultimate summer of my life thus far, that would be it.

Its been a while since I posted, so I'll run through what made it awesome.

On Jessica's Birthday, after a HARRY POTTER SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY coordinated by yours truly and Lauren, we traveled to the Kincaid's Condo in Sandpoint, Idaho.



We had a lazy day, then had a treasure hunt of sorts, provided by Jessica's parents, and ended the day on a SEA PLANE!




IT.WAS.SO.COOL.


And THEN, the weekend before last, I travelled with Jess, Lauren and Janice to Seattle, where we stayed with Laur's cousin. Seattle in itself is awesome, indeed, but for this particular trip, there was a method to our madness. The night we arrived, we attended a Flaming Lips concert. It was amazing. One of the most amazing experiences of my life so far, actually. And, of course, that night was a party in itself.

=).


The NEXT day, we went to Pike Place a few times, and ended the evening with a Daft Punk Laser Light show.

:o.

If you've ever seen a laser light show, particularly after partying for a couple of hours, I think you'll understand.

JUDAS PRIEST IS +1!


So, after returning to Spokane, the girls and I had a very relaxing week... up until Thursday, that is, when we left for another adventure! We drove to Bonner's Ferry, Idaho, arriving after dark. In the dark, with the clever use of headlamps and legs, we hiked a mile or two uphill to our first destination; Pyramid Lake. Deciding it was much too late to set up a tent, we rolled out our sleeping bags and fell asleep looking at the stars.....OF WHICH THERE WERE MORE THAN FIFTY!




(Pyramid Lake)


(Pyramid Lake from the top of the mountain)

The next day we packed up and hiked around the lake and over a mountain to reach Ball Lake. It was BEAUTIFUL. We spent two days there, eating reconstituted eggs and not showering. Yum.


(Ball Lake)


Finally, the last day of our trip, we hiked all the way from Ball Lake, past Pyramid lake and back to the car. Despite the long distance it was downhill almost all of the way, and we reached the car only a few hours after setting out.

And now that all of my summer adventures are over, everything feels... sort of melancholy. I'm just waiting for the next big adventure. :)

"La Vie" Blog?

This morning, after having a pretty excellent and relaxing but late night, I woke up calmly and quietly. After I spent a little time waking up, I made my way to the kitchen and cleaned up. As I did the dishes, I immediately felt at peace and alive. For the first time in a long time, I was happy to just…be. There is something extremely peaceful about an empty house in the morning.

After I finished the dishes, my good mood wasn’t spent. I put on a pot of coffee while I showered, then jumped out of the bathroom to Jessica being up and about.
Eventually, my mom came home and we all drank some coffee and sat in the newly cleaned kitchen. Jessica and I walked to Hi-Co, and then spent 20 minutes reading The Inlander in the shop over drinks and Almond-Poppy seed muffins.

Upon returning to my house, I called Lyndsey, who soon joined our party. I had the privilege to meet her adoptive mother before we sped off, as wild teenage girls are wont to do. We hung out while I cleaned the living room and discussed how our summers had gone thus far.

Our conversation took a turn for the better; we had all picked up on what this summer seemed to be about. Transformation. The three of us have felt like, and can see, how we need change in our lives, and that we are the only people that can control the change.

So, when Jessica goes to college, and Lyndsey goes to Virginia, the three of us plan to instigate a new change in our lives, be it the way we think, or speak, or live in general. Everyone needs some change, once in a while, but that’s not our entire plan. The three of us are going to document our change in the form of a giant scrapbook which encompasses all three of our transformations.

How will we pull it off? I have no idea. Will we pull through? I can only hope so.

I plan on changing almost everything, from the way I eat to my self esteem, as well as everything in between. What are my tools, you ask? No tools. No guides. No rules. Just a question:

Who do I want to be and how can I get there?

Now, I’m not saying I’m going to change who I am completely. But I do need to figure out how I can be myself healthily and happily, instead of this day-to-day battle that I’ve been living.

So here you are. The summer of transformation may be over, but I’m still in the cocoon.

MiTUNES

I am not perfect, nor do I strive to be. I am alive in this world of face-first falls and public breakdowns.

I had a revelation last night... so today, I'm feeling very empowered and independent. And I'm pretty happy, too. Apart from being hungry, actually, I'm pretty much perfect.

I've been rebooting my iTunes all day, because for one reason or another most of my music stopped working, and it was just easier to delete it all and start over.

I have also come to the conclusion that most people don't even bother reading this. Not that I mind, because I don't really write about anything interesting, but to those who have stuck with me, thanks :). You probably know me better than I know myself.

If anyone has any music they think I should listen to, now is the time to say so.....




=)