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When I was in grade school, I had hardly any friends. When I say hardly any, I mean that I would have one or two at a time, knowing that they, too, eventually would realize what a loser I was (courtesy of the more popular children) and stop talking to me.

I guess that those experiences have caused me to go into a sort of lonely, depressed state from time to time when I hardly see any of my friends. I feel like I've been forgotten. Like despite what my friends and I have gone through, I am expendable. And though this feeling doesn't apply to all of my friends (My besties are the exception), I still feel a little less like a person and more like a memory to most people.

Maybe its just because its summer... But I can list ten people off of the top of my head that I haven't even spoken to this summer who, at the end of the school year, were still my good friends.

I guess I'm still feeling a little betrayed and bitter due to recent events anyways, and this whole detached from everybody feeling doesn't help. Maybe I'm just not meant to have a lot of friends. Maybe I should focus on the ones that acknowledge my existence from time to time.


ANYWAYS. Heres a few pictures of my summer...


FIRE PIT!



Lotte, mein leib.



The post-graduation feast.



Lauren Jumped in with all of her clothes on...

Oh, strange mind of mine....

Does anyone have a dream dictionary?

Cause yesterday, after a perfectly normal, even somewhat happy day, I had an odd dream. First, in the dream, my laptop broke in half--severed between the screen and keyboard. And then my boyfriend cheated on me with a mutual friend. It was a weird dream, to say the least, and I really don't know what to think about it. I need to find out what the symbolism behind it is...


AH!


I also have this huge, uncomfortable feeling that I've changed a great deal in a short amount of time. Like I'm a completely different person all of a sudden. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has noticed, though. Probably not.

JESSICAS BIRTHDAY TODAY!

Happy birthday, petite bebe'. 18. Glorious.

Sorry for my bitching...

This is the finale.

Get ready to clap.



Last 24 hours + me = WTF.


I mean it. I stepped on a lightbulb. Ow. I didn't ever realize I had such great blood flow in my feet. I won't see the boyfriend for like a month, maybe more.
Probably can't start college for another quarter.
Found AND lost my glasses.

I need to sleep. I really, really do. I feel like my life was just hit with a tsunami.


IM going to go watch SHUTTER!

oooOOOOOoooOOOoooohhhhhhh...

Since when was I having a tough time?!

Seriously? All of a sudden, I'm not liking the way things are a little bit.

I mean I am happy, really. But there's an undertone that I don't like... it's a tiny bit like this isn't going to last. I'm probably just being paranoid, but I've been right about these things before.

I feel like if I don't clean my room soon, it's disorder is going to come to life and eat me. In Feng Shui, your room is a pretty good representation of your life. So I suppose not being able to see the floor or use most of my furniture regularly might not be the best idea.

I always start with laundry. But then I cant reach my dresser (which hardly functions in the first place) and so the clean, folded clothing eventually ends up on my bed, then the floor. I am talking piles... piles of random crap that I obviously don't use or I would always be looking for something.

So today...I'm doing the first step, Laundry. I have a bag of good will clothes, and I am showing no mercy. If I can't remember the last time I wore it, or I cant see myself wearing it within the next 6 months, it's gone. If anything about it is ripped, stained, or fraying, it's gone. If I only kept it to make someone not feel bad, it is.... you guessed it, outta here.

All garbage, dishes, and empty boxes will be removed immediately. My bookshelf will hold books and little else. DVDs will be in their case and on top of the television, along with the remote controls (if I can ever find them). Jewelry will be separated and hung somewhere I can easily reach them.

And finally, I will sweep the floor. The last touch?


I should probably hang my posters that have been slowly travelling in a box around my room for the last two or three years.


Then, and only then, will I let myself start my mural. My dream wall, the one I have wanted to paint at least since freshman year, if not longer.


NOW that I've outlined the rest of my week... I should probably get to it.




P.S. I just took a few 'before' pictures, but I feel sick to my stomach when I think about posting them until I have fabulous 'after' pictures that I can be proud of. So hopefully that will motivate me to clean faster.
:)

AHHH!

Jessica is coming home today! JESSICAAAAA.

what a lovely name. Oh dear, I don't remember being so excited! Except for that one time.


AND today I get to help babysit 9 children. 9.



9.








:o






BUT THEN I GET TO SEE JESSICA!
You win some, you lose some.




And so, without further ado, here is a picture from graduation (finally).





We're the most attractive.

I cannot write; I cannot think

This is ridiculous.

I KNOW where I want this story to go. I do. I know, for sure.

I KNOW where I am in this story.

I CAN'T WRITE IT. It has become impossible to communicate. Somewhere, in the long trek from my brain to my fingertips, my words are mangled and destroyed.

I EVEN HAVE AN OUTLINE. GRR.

2 pages in to chapter 12, and my book thinks it is over.


YES. IT THINKS.



Time for a nice, stiff coca-cola.

Its the American spirit.

I finished the 11th chapter in my book. I'm having a little trouble with the intro to the 12th, but Ill get there. Jessica read my entire story, 63 pages of it, and edited it. She put little notes in it which was completely awesome. So the version I will be posting is the edited version.

HARRY POTTER tonight! So excited.


I mostly just wanted to post this picture I took in Sandpoint. If you cant see it....its an old fashioned truck with a huge American flag on it...and a shower in the back. A SHOWER.

HAH. Everything they need, right there in the back of their truck.

:)