Maybe its just me, but...

Doesn't it seem like we are always waiting for something? I mean, near the end of school, everyone says that life will be just a little bit better, a little easier, when everyone is graduated and all grown up, going off to college.

But then, look what else we tell ourselves. Things will be better and easier, and everyone will feel more complete, when we have jobs doing something we want to do. Then when we get married. Maybe when we have kids. Buying a house will surely change things. Make sure the kids are going to college.

My point, if you didn't get it, is that we spend most of our lives waiting to be happier because of whatever happens next. We focus so much on the future, and our future happiness, that we waste all of the time that we could have just sat down and realized how much we have achieved, and how little we need to get married, buy a house, or settle down.

One of my best friends woke me up this morning with a phone call, and through talking to her, I realized that I don't need anything to make me happy. I don't need to get married or have kids, buy a house, or do anything to MAKE myself happier. I have no reason to not be happy where I am right now; 18 years old, fresh from high school, healthy, free, and able to do anything with my life.

Im feeling extremely grateful for breathing, today, if you can't tell. So, I've decided that I'm going to focus on making sure I am always able to recognize where I am in life and always be able to just accept it. And, through that, I'll let myself be happy NOW, before I'm 80 and have practiced a lifetime of, "Well, when this happens, I'll be happier." Cause of course, no I won't. I'll just be waiting for the next change.I think I'll become a monk.... Yeah....a monk's life is the life for me ;). <3

Yikes....

...

:D. I forgot I had a blog! That isn't really you're everyday, bland, pointless, made up excuse, is it? No, no, I didn't think so.
Not that anyone really reads my blog. I think I'll start telling people about it. Then maybe I'll write more. So I'll start this entry, I suppose, by going over recent happenings in my life.

Since my last post, I:
-Lost my grandfather.
-Graduated from High School.
-Wrote 8 chapters of a novel that will most likely never even come within a one-mile radius of a publishing house.
-Cleaned (and then re-demolished) my room, several times.
-Lost my camera cord for two months, and then found it this afternoon.
-Began my own spiritual journey.

-To cross off of my 'To do before I die' list: Pet a wolf, Direct a play (two, actually!).
-Went to Prom

And all of this happened in the last five months. And now I've moved on from all of that. I'll be starting college in the fall, will live here with my mother for two more years, and eventually move to the coast, to my little piece of heaven. I actually just came back from a trip to the ocean, and hadn't actually been to the water since I was a kid. There is something extremely....calming and cleansing about the ocean, something that I can't really find on land or near a lake.

While I was there, I collected about a dozen perfect shells.

Then something happened that nearly broke my heart: All of my shells went missing. The bag they were in vanished, and there wasn't a trace of where they could have gone. I was so upset I could hardly keep from crying, and that made me feel even more ridiculous. But I realized why I was so upset: Those shells were my little piece of the ocean, of peace, of feeling lighter and more whole than I have felt in months. And then it was just gone, almost like it was stolen from me. Its stupid, but its the only sense I can make of my reaction to losing a bag of virtually value-less material that I just picked up.
Also, graduating from high school has proven to be a pointless, cruel, revolting task that just proves how stupid the school system really is. I'm an 18 year old girl, a legal adult in the United States. In society's eyes, I'm at the age that I should be able to move out, get a job, stop being a burden on my parent and support myself.

And let me tell you, I can't support myself with the skills I learned in high school. I have enough life training to get a minimum wage job, which could NOT support me living away from home, unless I had two or three of these crappy minimum wage jobs, which wouldn't exactly allow me the time or energy to go to school to get the training I would need in order to find myself an ACTUAL job.

In high school, I did learn some very valuable and useful things. I learned to be offensive while walking down a crowded hallway of hormonal teenagers. I learned to lock my valuables in a safe place. I learned that foreign language is, in fact, foreign, and that you need to speak it pretty constantly to learn it well. Taco Bell is open late, and is necessary for survival. I learned that people are generally self-conscious more often than they are conscious of others, so it doesn't really matter to most of them if you look like you were just hit by a semi. Showering is probably a good idea. Friends are more important and less of a hassle than romance.

See? Probably a little more than that, but you get the general idea. All of the time spent learning things that I will never use again, all of the math and science, could have been used learning skills that I will actually need later, for whatever career I decide on. What a waste of time! Seriously!

There's my little spiel about high school. Ill never mention it again. :) SO here is my second blog, and tomorrow Ill write something more entertaining and less pointless.