How deep and meaningful of me....

He loves me unconditionally. Even when I yell at him, push him away, and go out without him, he loves me. I know it's true because, when he looks at me, his eyes fill with adoration and delight. When we are together, he makes sure everyone knows that I am his, as he is mine. He is the only guy who has ever loved me without expectations or reservations.

Yes... Hugo, my 7 1/2 month old Border Collie, is quite the gentleman.

No, this is not a blog to complain about my lack of a love-life. I only write what I would read, and I would most certainly not read 6 paragraphs of, "WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME?!"

Now, my blog's dates are all out of whack...I know that my last post was in November, even though it says it was a month earlier than that. I haven't been THAT negligent.It's probably due to the fact that I start blogs and finish them months later. IN ANY CASE, forgive me for not posting, blah blah blah....

NOW. Jessica, one of the lights that keeps me going through the foggy, Dementor-induced blackness when it appears from time to time, was here for winter break. She left a few days ago, but her presence is ever here... :).

I mean that almost literally. Because the last day she was here, we had a discussion that completely shifted my focus. See, I've spent the last 19 years wanting everything. I wanted friends, more money, security, a decent father...I wanted school to be easy, a boyfriend who loves me more than Hugo, etc... Basically everything that any child, pre-teen, teenager or young woman has ever wanted. Well, there's nothing wrong with wanting, right?

I have been, for quite some time, a firm believer of "everyone creates their own reality". Sure, there's fate, and maybe there is a plan for everyone's life... but if you have ever found that your prayers were answered, or that you wished for something and, suddenly, it happened to be almost set right in front of your face, then in my eyes... you did it. In my last blog I explained my reasoning for believing that everyone can manifest what they want.

After talking this over in a very philosophical, collegiate manner with Jess, during which we ate leftover macaroni, we both realized this at the same instant: WANTING is what keeps people from having what they want the most.

Think about it. Assuming that I am correct, and that the most powerful supernatural force in the world is at your fingertips, given you choose to utilize it... If you you are so busy WANTING what you DON'T have, how does that leave any room for you to HAVE what you want so desperately.

I want more friends because I DON'T have enough.
I want love because I DON'T have it.
I want happiness, peace, simplicity... all because I lack them.


But if you take that simple sentence, "I want _____" to the just as elementary, "I have ____" or the slightly more exhausting, "I will have ____", doesn't that eliminate wanting altogether? That dull, empty, aching feeling of want that NO ONE enjoys but everyone feels... you could skip it entirely, if you believed it enough.



WOW. So, there's where I am right now. Spiritually and psychologically at least. And I kid you not, ONE DAY after my focus began to shift, so did my life. Little changes, but noticeable nonetheless.


I'll let you chew on that for a while. Thanks for reading!!!


Oh, and...Sherlock Holmes was AWESOME.

MERRY X-MAS, Happy YULE, Happy New year!

<3